How To Deal When Your Child Is Gay

Your child's coming out to you is a clear cut sign that she trusts you and somehow expects you to understand the thing she's going through. After the confession, it is inevitable that things will change in the household one way or another. But don't let your child's homosexuality change the way you see her - after all, she is still your child. The one you carried in your womb for nine months and the one you love and will love no matter what and whoever she is. Here are some guidelines that will definitely help you deal with your child’s coming out.

• Don’t Condemn. Bear in mind that it took your child lots of guts and trust to confess her real sexuality so don’t be too harsh on her. She is also suffering a tremendous transformation and adjustment like you so try your best to understand her no matter how hard it may seem. Saying cruel words or giving her the hand won’t help her to change, rather lower her self esteem. Accepting your child’s sexual orientation may be tough but reproaching and disowning them may lead them to do nasty things or worse commit suicide.

• Dump the Psychiatrist. Your child is not abnormal so cut off the idea of calling a Psychiatrist to treat your child as this will only worsen the situation. Don’t force her to acknowledge the idea that she is just undergoing through a phase. While it is pretty normal at first for you to deny the truth, giving your child the cold shoulder treatment and acting as if they don’t even exist for more than a month is unacceptable. Perhaps it is you who needs to see a Psychiatrist for some counseling.

• Don’t Just Accept. Digesting and accepting your child’s sexuality usually takes time, and when you have finally rearranged your thoughts in deciding to accept your child’s homosexuality, you must really accept it wholeheartedly and not half baked. Meaning, your acceptance should go hand in hand with your support, especially on the emotional side as she will greatly need it.

• Drop the Society. The world is full of prejudiced and self righteous people. People who think highly of themselves, and when others go against their standards; they would start judging them ruthlessly. Who sets the standards anyway? It is just the society who does. As how Morrie puts it in the book Tuesdays with Morrie, “If the culture doesn’t work for you, don’t buy it.” If you keep on thinking what other people will say against you and your family, you can never be happy. You wouldn’t want to sacrifice your child’s happiness just because of people who couldn’t talk about anything else than other people, right? Religion may be a crucial point to consider and the biggest hindrance in fully accepting your child’s homosexuality but use your own wisdom and judgment to understand the truth about things. The society might turn against her so please don’t join them.

• Stop Blaming Yourself. Your child’s sexual preference is not your failure so stop putting the blame on yourself. Remember that it is not your child’s choice to be gay/lesbian. There’s nothing wrong, it’s just that your child did not meet your expectations on her. Even so, just because your child is gay does not mean that she can’t be a good daughter or person like heterosexuals. More often than not, some homosexuals even lead a good life than heterosexuals do.

How To Tell If He's Gay

There are stereotypes circulating about every walk of life. We all know that it is wrong to generalize, and that there are always ‘exceptions’ to what is widely believed about a particular group. Stereotypes are simply exaggerations and broad generalizations of looks or behavior of groups. It is said that there is certainly an element of truth behind the ideas that we would consider to be stereotypes. When it comes to homosexuality, do many of them actually fit the stereotype, or are there only a small few who fit the mold?

Can you tell if a man is gay by looking at him? Some people say that you can. There is a certain way that a man stands, sits, walks and dresses that is typically considered ‘gay.’ Commonly, it is the flexed hand, feminine twitch in the walk, and a feminine lean (with the hip sticking out to one side) when they stand. It has also been said that there is a particular look within a gay man’s eyes that tells you he is homosexual. This look in the eyes is something that is very difficult to actually describe, and only some people can actually see this ‘gay’ look in a man’s eyes.

Can you tell if a man is gay by his interests? Some people think that it’s possible. An interest in hair, make-up, and fashion are often considered as feminine or ‘gay’ characteristics. There are many confirmations of gay men in these professions however, not all men in these professions are gay. Some gay men have ‘normal’ manly jobs. Men who are concerned with their appearance and do certain things, like wax or keep their nails nice, may be a straight metro-sexual.

How can you tell the different between a metro-sexual and a gay man? There is no real obvious or explainable indicator of this. A man who spends more time and money on his appearance than the average male is not always gay. Perhaps you can look in their eyes to see if you can find ‘the look.’ If they don’t walk or stand in a feminine way, then how can you really tell that they are gay?

Is it possible to tell that a man is gay by the sound of his voice? Many people might say so. The truth is that many gay men do have softer, higher pitched, more feminine voices. Of course, there are muscular, very masculine men with deep voices that are gay.

Is there really any way to tell? I suppose it depends on that person. If they are trying to make a point about their sexual orientation, it will be obvious. If they are not, it will probably be more difficult to tell. There are signals within the gay community that help gay men find each other. Perhaps it takes one to know one. Otherwise, some straight people have a sort of sixth sense when it comes to spotting someone gay. I would say, when in doubt, ask, but you never know how they will react.

What Gay Men Want

Gay men are people, too. Just like any other human being, gay men have needs and desires. The human need for relationships is in every person. To have a true and meaningful relationship is everyone’s desire. Gay men just prefer to have this with another man instead of a woman. Sexual orientation aside, all of the things a straight person really wants in relationships are the same things that a gay man wants.

Companionship. Having someone else to share life with is important to everyone. Friendships, dating, romance and quality time with someone close to you is not only a desire that everyone has, but it is simply human nature to crave it. Being alone stinks. Companionship is a basic need, and gay men, being human, want that.

Acceptance. No one likes to feel rejection. This is one of the things that gay men have to struggle with on a daily basis. Society, although increasingly tolerant, still holds a stigma towards the homosexual community. Everyone want to be accepted for who they are. No one wants to be judged, especially not just for one aspect of their life. Gay men want to be a regular part of society just like everyone else. They are different from straight men, but that doesn’t mean they should be treated so differently that they feel rejected and out of place in the world.

Affection. Physical intimacy is another thing that everyone needs. A hug from a friend, a romantic kiss, or holding someone’s hand is something that everyone wants. Gay men just want that from another man. The human touch is a powerful thing. It communicates care, concern, acceptance, passion or friendship. Gay men want to be touched, just as every human being needs to be touched. Imagine going through life without ever having someone touch you. Wouldn’t that feel awful? Affection is a huge part of human nature.

Attention. No one likes to be ignored. Gay men are sometimes overlooked because people who are homophobic tend to see them as inferior. When you give someone attention and acknowledgment, you are giving them your respect. Gay men want to be respected just like everyone else. Most people, unless they are ashamed of themselves, want to be looked at, listened to and appreciated. Whether you are dating someone or just friends with them, it would not last long if one person didn’t give enough attention to the other. Gay men need attention, too.

Another man’s love. The only thing that stands out at a unique desire of a gay man is the desire to be intimate with another man physically and emotionally. A majority of straight men would tell you that the thought of intimacy with another man is a scary thought, and they would much rather just be with a woman. Gay men want companionship, affection, attention and acceptance from another man. It is their choice and it is their preference. That is what sets them apart from straight men, and that is who they are.

Gay men are people, too.

Attracting Gay Men

It can be difficult being a gay man, wondering how you’re going to meet someone. Too often you may find yourself lonely and in need of companionship; knowing how to meet and attract other gay men can go a long way toward helping you find that special someone. Don’t believe the hype that you have to frequent bars or other such “singles” hangouts to meet people, either… there are countless people just like you who you can meet just by going through your day-to-day routine.

The first thing that you should do when trying to attract gay men is to be comfortable with yourself. This doesn’t mean that you should let yourself go or be a slob, of course; simply be proud of who you are and don’t try to fit someone else’s image of who you should be. Wear nice clothes that fit well, and keep yourself presentable while maintaining your own style. Maintain good personal hygiene and just be happy to be who you are. The confidence that you show in this way will make you more attractive to others, and you’ll feel good about yourself as well.

Next, you should smile. Even though it may seem clichéd, smiling at others can leave a lasting impression on them. Not only will you seem more friendly and approachable, but they will also be more likely to like you. It might not seem like a simple smile could make such a difference, but if you try it then you’ll be surprised.

Being comfortable with yourself and smiling will only get you so far, however; in order to meet people you have to be where people are. Gay men aren’t any different than anyone else, and have to eat and shop at places you likely already frequent. You never know when you’ll meet someone special at the grocery store or while shopping for electronics. Even if you think you aren’t going anywhere special, make sure that you’re presentable when you leave the house.

If you're going to get to know someone, then you need to talk to them. The hardest part of attracting gay men can be starting that first conversation. Many gay people worry that the person they’re interested in might not be gay or will take offense to their attention. Remember that someone doesn’t have to be gay or straight just to have a conversation. Try to break the ice with small talk, and if you seem to get along then you might move on to subtle flirtation. You should be able to pick up in the conversation whether they may be interested in you, and if they aren’t then you’ve lost nothing.

Of course, you may worry that you’ll offend someone if you flirt with them. Remember that many people are flattered when others find them attractive, regardless of the person’s gender. If they aren’t interested, then they will likely let you know early on. While you may occasionally find someone who is offended by you flirting with them, these individuals are few and far between.

Gay Compatibility

A lot has been said about gay compatibility, comparing it to the compatibility between partners in straight relationships. A lawsuit against eHarmony alleged discrimination against gay men and women, causing the founder of the website to state that he believed the compatibility between gay couples to be different than that of straight couples. There is no decisive evidence to show that this is the case, however. Gay couples face the same compatibility issues as other couples, and finding someone that you’re compatible with can take time.

When it comes to romantic compatibility, the interests of the people involved are a major factor. They say that opposites attract, but that attraction can only carry a relationship so far. If you don’t have something in common, then the relationship will suffer. Eventually you’ll run out of things to talk about, and that’s the end. This doesn’t mean that you have to have all of the same interests for you and your partner to be compatible, however.

The key to being compatible in a relationship is showing an interest in your partner’s activities. Even if you otherwise wouldn’t be interested in them, by letting your partner know that you’re interested in the fact that they enjoy them you can build a deeper understanding between the two of you. This doesn’t mean that you have to pursue these interests, of course… simply encourage them to do the things that they enjoy, and let them encourage you in the same manner. This isn’t limited to just physical activities, either. Try to show an interest in the things that your partner wants, the ideas that they have, and all of the things that make them unique.

One thing to keep in mind is that there will be some situations in which you and your partner clash. This could be over certain household chores, the way you pursue some interests, or a variety of other things. Don’t let tension build because of these clashes, as that can sour your relationship. Instead, learn to compromise with each other. You don’t have to give in to all of their wants in order to compromise; a relationship is give-and-take, and that’s exactly what you should do when trying to reach an understanding over a problem point. The more you and your partner are willing to compromise with each other, the more compatible you will become.

Just remember that you can’t force compatibility. The harder you try to be compatible with someone, the more you will start to resent that “forced compatibility.” Over time, this can even begin to change your views of the person you’re trying to be compatible with. Instead of trying to force things to work out, try and be patient so that compatibility can come in its own time. Compromise and showing a genuine interest in the other person’s hopes and dreams can help to speed this process up, as can simply being willing to talk things out and listening to what your partner has to say.